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Yes, It Matters if You Like Your Therapist. Here’s Why

Yes, It Matters if You Like Your Therapist. Here's Why

January 17, 2023

When searching for the right therapist, you might focus on things like how much experience they have, what conditions they specialize in, and the types of therapy they are trained to provide. 

 

What you may be less likely to prioritize are features that might impact how much you’ll like or connect with them. In some sense, this is perfectly reasonable. Much like seeing a doctor for your physical health, it may seem that all that matters is that they know what treatment to give and how to deliver it. 

 

While this may be true when it comes to your physical health (though it’s questionable even then), there are reasons for thinking that therapy is different. Above and beyond being able to deliver the proper treatment, it matters that patients like, connect, and relate with their therapists. Often talked about in terms like ‘therapeutic rapport’ or ‘therapeutic alliance,’ studies have found the quality of patient-provider relationships to be a significant predictor of how well they respond to treatment. 

 

Explore why this matters, learn some common factors that impact whether patients and providers connect, and check out what you can do if you and your therapist aren’t vibing.

Why It’s Good if You Connect with Your Therapist

There are a variety of reasons why it’s good to relate to and connect with your therapist. Here are some of the most significant ones. 

#1 You’ll Be More Likely To Share Important Information

Therapy often requires patients to bring up and share personal details at the heart of their anxiety and depression. This is an understandably difficult process. Therapy requires a deep sense of trust and psychological safety. If you feel your therapist will understand where you’re coming from and won’t judge you for your experiences and reactions, you’ll have an easier time opening up and delving into what’s bothering you.

#2 You’ll Be More Open to Their Suggestions

While therapists are not typically ‘advice-givers’ they will offer insights and suggestions.  It’s natural to wonder if it will really work for you, and we’re more inclined to seriously consider the suggestions of people that we admire and respect. 

 

Not connecting with your therapist can undermine your sense that they understand how to address your problems or effectively personalize your treatments.

#3 You’ll Be More Likely to Stick with Treatment

While therapy can be rewarding, finding the motivation to stick with it can also be challenging. When you’re on the same page as your therapist, this becomes less of an obstacle. Studies have found that the stronger the therapeutic alliance, the more likely the patient is to adhere to the treatment. 

 

Additionally, if you aren’t taking your therapist’s advice because you don’t connect with them, you may not be seeing the results you were looking for, which can make you wonder whether therapy is right for you.

How to Find a Therapist You’ll Connect With

While the list of factors supporting a solid connection is endless, several common traits are particularly important to look out for. Here are a few.

Style

Remember why you are seeking therapy. It’s not always best to simply find someone that is exactly like you. However, there may be aspects of your life that you may be more comfortable opening up about if the person in front of you seems to have a level of personal understanding. Consider your willingness to be challenged, or your learning style. Do you want someone who is more directive and straight to the point? Or would you like someone who is conversational, and funny? Typically during an intake session you will be asked about your preferences for therapy and that would be a good time to bring up any aspects of therapy that might be important to you.

 

Cultural or Ethnic Background

A shared cultural or ethnic background can help for several reasons. For one thing, different groups are more likely to deal with specific stressors due to their lived experience with issues like racism and oppression. To best help patients develop effective coping mechanisms, it can be important for their therapists to have similar cultural or ethnic backgrounds.

Gender

Gender plays an important role in our experience of mental health and our mental health outcomes. For example, men are more likely to be diagnosed with substance abuse disorders. They are also less likely to seek treatment and more concerned with mental health stigma. A therapist of the same gender may be better equipped to address these and other gender-specific issues.

LGBTQ+ Allyship

Members of the LGBTQ+ community are disproportionately likely to experience mental health problems. According to The Trevor Project, 45 percent of LGBTQ+ youth considered suicide in 2022. Of those who did not receive mental health care, 43 percent said they did not see a therapist because they feared their concerns would not be taken seriously. Therapists with clear LGBTQ+allyship are desperately needed to help this community.

What Should I Do if I Don’t Like my Therapist?

Let’s say you find yourself in therapy, and despite all your research, you just don’t gel with your therapist. What should you do?

 

There are a few options.

 

Depending on where the disconnect is, you can discuss it with your therapist. Sometimes, you can try resolving disagreements. Speaking up and voicing your opinions may also allow your therapist to demonstrate empathy, compassion, and a willingness to adopt new strategies to better suit your needs. 

 

It’s not always possible to close the gap between you and your therapist with some quick conflict resolution. When this happens, it’s time to break up with your therapist. If you are going to end the relationship, it’s best not to ghost them. Instead, open up a conversation where you explain why you want to look for a different provider. Not only does this give the therapist the fix the issues, but it also helps them learn for future clients so that they may avoid whatever mistakes they made in your case. 

 

While this can seem scary, it’s really an easy process. Mental health professionals generally understand the importance of fit and won’t judge you for wanting to find the therapist that works best for you. “Remember, you are under no obligation to stick with a particular therapist,” shares Patricia Hernandez, LPC.  “Whatever your reasons for wanting to find a new one are, they are valid.”

Takeaway

There’s nothing unreasonable about wanting to like your therapist. In fact, feeling connected to your mental health provider may be one of the more vital ingredients in a successful mental wellness journey. From helping you feel comfortable discussing challenging and personal topics to strengthening your ability to stick with therapy, a close patient-provider connection can have a significant impact on treatment outcomes. 

 

When looking for a therapist, check for things that might impact how well you’ll connect. This may include a shared culture or ethnicity, gender, LGBTQ+ allyship, and more. If you find you don’t like your current therapist, that’s no problem. You may not get it right on the first try, but fortunately, switching is no big deal. 

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Blog LGBTQIA Mental Health men's mental health wellness women's mental health

Mental Health(care) is for Everyone

Mental Health(care) is for Everyone

February 24, 2022

With the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, uncertainty, stress, discomfort and periods of isolation has increased across the world. This increased stress has resulted in amplified waves of anxiety, exacerbated depression, and even increased OCD. What many individuals may not realize is that almost everyone struggles with their mental health at some points, not just those who have been diagnosed with mental illnesses. This means that even those without a diagnosable mental illness can benefit from comprehensive mental healthcare and implementing positive coping strategies.


When we find ourselves in these moments of uncertainty, here are a few basic concepts to keep in mind:

 

  • Sharing really is caring: Talking about how we feel is powerful. In many circumstances, speaking to someone who cares about you or a mental health professional can help you to feel supported and less alone. If you don’t know where to start when it comes to sharing your emotions and thoughts, a good place to start is using simple statements such as, “today I feel…” or “when this happens it causes me to feel..”
  • Sleep is your friend: Prioritize a good night’s rest. It’s no secret we aren’t at our best cognitively when we haven’t made time for quality rest. Sleep and mental health are closely linked and frequently affect one another. While it may seem challenging to relax and fall asleep when we have a lot on our mind, things like sticking to a schedule for sleep and ensuring that at least 30 minutes prior you are reducing or eliminating distractions such as TV, phone time, or working on projects can help prepare your body for a much needed rest.
  • Move: Stay active. Physical activity is not only good for your body, it’s also great for your mind. With the increase of online activities over the last few years, it has become increasingly easy to lose sight of the importance of moving our bodies. Staying active can mean anything from taking part in a HIIT (high intensity interval training) workout to doing some stretching or taking a quick 10-15 minute walk. As you consistently engage in even just a few minutes of physical activity per day, you will provide increased support to your mental well-being, effectively helping to combat stress, anxiety, depression, or anything else you may be struggling with.
  • Get help when you need: Talking to friends and family, sleeping well, eating well, and physical activity are strong steps that we can take to promote mental wellness. It is important to recognize however, that sometimes we need additional. Mental illness, just like any illness, sometimes requires the care of someone specially trained to treat it. Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength and a way to show yourself compassion and self-love. Professionals such as therapists and psychiatrists are trained to help you find and implement the best strategies for your unique circumstances and will support you on your journey to recapture your highest quality of life.

To learn more or request an appointment with one of our providers, give us a call at 512-777-2591 or visit us at headinghealth.com.

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